I spent most of my life thinking that life could be perfect. And that if it wasn’t perfect, I just wasn’t trying hard enough.
It took until my 40’s to realize the err of that thought, and how it was holding me back from embracing the life I had right in front of me!
All the striving that I did, the effort, the self-doubt and overthinking, it was all in an effort to ‘fix’ the parts of my life that were broken or not up to par in some way that my judge self was stirring up.
But in my advancing age, I finally get it. It isn’t meant to be perfect. Not even close. It is meant to be appreciated AS IT IS.
Whether it is my physical body, or marriage, or parenting, or my career goals… …I can choose to be happy with it: right now, as is, final sale. Without it being perfect or even the glimpse of it becoming perfect in some imagined future.
This was a radical thought for me!
Stop trying to fix it (What?!?)
Just sit back and enjoy it. (Huh, you mean don’t work so hard??)
Yes, I mean, don’t keep busying your mind and your body with constant effort
( I don’t know how to do that, I have always thought that working harder was the answer. That if something wasn’t working, I wasn’t working hard enough…)
Nope. You were wrong, LOL. It can be easy when you accept where you are right now as the ONLY thing that matters. Stop having those expectations of yourself that are unachievable and life will be difficult but simple, instead of complicated.
This is the general dialogue that I had with myself…before truly embracing that the living is WITHIN the imperfect and unsettled places, not without them.
The Mom Dilemma
Moms try SO HARD to get it right. We want to be perfect moms. Our children deserve the best. And parenting is the MOST important thing in our world now, so from day 1 we turn ourselves INSIDE OUT. We wear our babies and hold them 24/7. We nurse and bathe and swaddle them according to all the best advice and books we have read. We make organic baby food from scratch. We get so sleep-deprived that we can’t see straight. (Truly, this happened to me, I started seeing everything in wavy patterns until I got some deep rest)
We doubt and weigh each decision like it is the peace negotiation of the century. Should I go back to work? Is he eating enough? Can I let her cry to sleep? Is it time to potty train? Am I doing it right?
But I am gonna tell you something, Momma (And Papa and Dada)…
Let me save you some time. (Lord knows we could all use some more of it!)
No amount of striving, no amount of money, no doing-everything-right will give your child(ren) a perfect childhood. It just isn’t POSSIBLE!
Some kid will push them down, or steal their lunch money, or break their heart. Something you say in a not-so-finest-moment will stick with them. They will break their arm or get the flu. Or that one time you didn’t pick them up from school on time (yep, this was me) will haunt you forever. They will even sometimes point out to you your shortcomings (the little punks), like “remember that one time you…”
And so you have to start RIGHT away, right now, giving yourself some GRACE. For that time when you…
Because we all have moments when we want to lock ourselves in the bathroom and cry, or scream, and we all have those other moments when we lose it completely. When we wonder if we can really do this, and why we decided it was a good idea in the first place. Let yourself wallow in those emotions from time to time, and then pick yourself up, and do the daily work all over again… because that’s what you do, Momma!
And give yourself GRACE with doing the daily stuff, because it is HARD. Sometimes impossibly hard, and exhausting, and so it is OK to just be mediocre some days and do your best to make it through. And to give back to yourself a little bit everyday. It’s OK. You need it. And you deserve it. The dishes and laundry can wait. You deserve your own love and nurturing.
To begin this journey with me (and many others!), message me about my UNSTUCK program, starting online in 2021!